You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
