pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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