I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
