I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
