Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
