The maid of honor just puked.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
