My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
