Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
