so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
