He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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