Where is the hickey?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
