I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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