She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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