Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dick very happy bro
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
