just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
