I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
