I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
