I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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