Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
