Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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