I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
