I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
