I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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