I want to have your abortion
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
