we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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