just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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