honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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