Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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