Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
