bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
