I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
