you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
