she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
