I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
