Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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