I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
