I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
