Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
