It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
