ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
