problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
