So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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