i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
