New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
