Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
