K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
