Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
