Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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