Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
