I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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